Mad Days With Monster Girls
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: I just wanted to live a normal, peaceful, carefree life. Something simple. A life free from the insanity of my family. Japan seemed as good a place to start over as any. Right? WRONG. Now, I'm stuck spending Mad Days with Monster Girls. Insanity and chaos abound, but I wouldn't trade it, or them, for the world. OCxharem? Original Characters. Rated M for very good reasons! Humor!


**A/N: Weeeeeeell~! I bet you're all shocked by this. Honestly, so am I! I'm surprised I didn't try this before. A non-Naruto story? From me?**

 ***GASP!***

 **This was inspired by reading the marvelous work that is** **My lesbian life with Monster Girls: Monster Yurisume By: Natron77 and while I was reading it, the idea simply popped up but I didn't know where I wanted to go with it. Then the request came down the pipeline. "Could you write an original Monster-Girls fic that isn't a crossover? Like, with your own characters?" It made me laugh so hard, because I could just imagine the madness that would ensue. Eventually I told the request-giver yes, and after a good bit of research...**

 **...here we be!**

 **Alright, now that we've covered that...**

 **It may be short, but its proof that I'M BACK YA'LL! Yes, there will be silliness and lemons abound. I hope this doesn't get me in trouble, considering the purge Fanfiction has been on lately. As to the main male lead character here, I wouldn't say he's me, but he isn't...**

 **...oh, and as a side note, the main cast of Monster Musume WILL pop up in this story here and there, but they may or may not be with my OC. Remember, this is meant to be sly, silly, and sexy. Its meant to make you all smile in this day and age with all the chaos raging around us.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

 _"Why did I agree to this again?"_

 _"Because you're a good guy?"_

 _"I am NOT a good guy!"_

 _"Too bad! Here!"_

 _...fuck."_

 _~?_

 **Spitfire**

 _Soooooo..._

 _...this is a thing._

 _Why am I doing this, again?_

 _Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm REALLY not used to jotting my thoughts down on paper like this. Or at all, really. I'm more of a fighter, not a talker. I'd rather smack some skulls together at school than write my thoughts down and make myself look like-crap. There I go, off on a tangent._ _Why did I think this was a good idea again? Ah, screw it! I don't wanna write in this thing! I sound like an idiot! I should just throw this blasted journal out and forget this ever happened..._

 _...right._

 _I can't, can I?_

 _If I do my aunt will kill me._

 _I am required by LAW-or so she says!-to write this down so people don't think I'm crazy. What kind of form is this anyway? Write everything about yourself? What is this, an intro to a story or something?! Oi?!_ _I'm going to kill her for this, I swear._

 _Alright, then!_

 _Introductions!_

 _My name is Arthur._

 _Arthur Smith._

 _Yes, that is my last name, and YES I wish I could change it. Everyone in the 'Smith' family is deranged to say the least. I like to think I'm one of the more sane ones, relatively speaking. Its not that we're_ bad _people per se, we just tend to be a bit more...outlandish in our lifestyle. Take my younger siblings for example. Namely, my sisters. They're like a tornado. Fight all you like, they just...drag you in and you get swept up in whatever you're doing. Don't even get me started on all my aunts!_

 _Why are all the women in my family so crazy?!_

 _But yeah, back to appearances. I have to write that down, too._

 _I am roughly twenty years of age, tall with dark hair and blue eyes. I'm also fairly skilled with a katana and other means of self defense thanks to a mother OBSESSED with beating self-defense into her children. Unlike the rest of my siblings, I'm f_ _resh out of college. Yes. As in a drop-out. As in I didn't graduate. No need to rub it in or anything. Granted there were extraordinary circumstances for it, but still, there it is. I went overseas to get away from things for awhile, and even managed to secure myself a rather decent-sized house, paid for and furnished by my aunt._

 _Make of **that** what you will._

 _So how did this happen you ask? Simple. Barely six months first year in a foreign country, when said aunt-whom you're about to meet quite soon!-gets the idea to enter my name in a drawing. Which wouldn't have been so bad if it was a random vacation contest or something. But noooooo, turns out it was a cultural exchange program and I'm supposed to be the host. No to so bad right? WRONG. Turns out this little exchange program isn't for foreign students, or even those from other nations, but something else entirely._

 _Monster Girls._

 _Monster._

 _Girls._

 _And now I'm about to meet one today._

 _There._

 _Happy now?_

* * *

 _(...Presently...)_

* * *

 _THUNK._

I started slightly as the harsh sound of a clenched knuckles banging against wood pervaded the room. More aptly, the kitchen, where I'd been halfheartedly scribbling on this infernal, hated piece of paper. It was a very nice kitchen, with an island and everything, but I never got much use out of it and tended to order out as a result. Not much point in cooking for one. Well, not one _anymore_ thanks to my aunt's machinations. She really had me by the throat here; it was either go along with her little scheme, or she'd cut my funding for the house. Which meant going back to the states.

Something I very much wanted to _avoid._

Here in Japan I found that I had something I'd seldom sought in the United States. Peace. Peace from my meddling family, from my own troubled past, even my own personal demons. With solitude came serenity, and I found I rather enjoyed my time alone. _Time._ Suddenly I found I had it in spades. Time to sharpen my kendo, catch up on the occasional book, or tour the open countryside and see the sights, if I was feeling particularly adventurous. After all, there was little else for me to do. It had been a good six months, all things considered.

Until fate reared its ugly head.

Knowing my ill luck, that _would_ be her with my new guest now. It certainly didn't help that I knew next to nothing about my new house guest. I confess, a part of me was curious wondered who my new guest might be. Well, as long as she wasn't a lamia. I was _terrified_ of snakes after that incident, much less a girl who was half serpent-

I didn't even have time to finish _that_ thought before they knocked again, louder this time and with a good deal more force than before.

"Hello?" A rich voice like honeyed smoke reached my ears, muffled by the firm frame of the door. "Is anyone there?"

Well, it certainly wasn't my aunt's voice.

 _That_ simplified things.

Clamoring to my feet, and gripping my freshly-completed form in hand, I darted out of the kitchen and into the hall, then proceeded to make my way towards the door. As I hastened my pace I suddenly became aware of a light weight bumping against my hip. Unbidden my eyes flicked down past my dark-sleeved shirt and I nearly tripped. Damn. I'd forgotten all about the sword. It stared back at me innoccuously from its place in my belt, as if to say "what?" despite my most withering glare. I nearly slapped myself for forgetting to leave it in the dojo, but it was too lat to do anything about it now.

I wondered if the katana would intimidate them; it wasn't one of my steel blades, but a wooden one I'd used for practice earlier that morning before finishing my paperwork.

In my haste, I'd forgotten all about it. Maybe I should put it away-

THUD-THUD-THUD!

"Open this door at once!"

Jeez, _someone_ was impatient!

"Alright, alright! I'm coming! Hold your horses!" thus grumbling, I stormed towards the door and reached out to grip the handle. At least, that had been my intention. Before I could reach the stalwart barrier however, someone or something decided they'd waited long enough. With a deafening _crunch_ they struck it one final time and all hell broke loose. The oaken frame shredded itself all at once, flying from its once-sturdy hinges to hurtle into the den, missing my face by the narrowest of margins. I stood there, hand trembling, balking at the near miss.

A loud crash yanked me back to the present, informing me of the now gaping, _door-shaped hole_ in the back of my house.

My right eye twitched.

"HEY!"

Outraged, I stepped into the opening and jerked my wooden sword free from its place in my belt, intent on giving them a piece of my mind. Liminal or not, that didn't give them the right to wreck my home!

"Just who do you think you are knocking down my door like-

I stumbled.

That was the only way to describe my sudden loss of footing as I tripped on a piece of debris. Ordinarily, I'm not this clumsy. But for some reason or another my foot slipped and I tumbled forward. My arms pinwheeled madly, seeking a handhold, something, anything to arrest my fall before I landed flat on my face. And as luck would have it, they did indeed find a handhold. Lucky me!

They met something soft and yielding.

Soft.

Warm.

Not so lucky.

A low rasp of a growl greeted me a moment later.

"By the flames, what are you _doing?!"_

As the dust cleared and my vision returned, so too did common sense. I found myself in a position I'd never been in before; grasping a handful of warm cleavage in each palm sheathed only by a thick green sweater. In short, breasts. Tits, or what-have-you. Magnificent breasts, a testament to their kind and their owner. Large and soft, yet somehow pert and perky at the same time. Amazing. Was she even wearing a bra?! Unwittingly, my hands squeezed. The raspy growl became an angry hiss. It was then that I realized the magnitude of my mistake.

One does not simply grope a woman and hope to escape unscathed.

Two words summed up my existence in that moment.

My gaze rose slowly.

So too, did an arm.

 _'I've blundered.'_

CRACK.

The elbow descended on my skull a heartbeat later with all the force of a pile-driver, boring me face-first into the concrete porch. My only saving grace was that I didn't break my nose outright. I did, however, bloody it. A furious shriek rewarded me in recompense for my temerity and when I tried to stand, a-booted?-foot swung between my legs. In the blinding instant of pain that followed, I only narrowly avoided having my skull rendered into a gory red smear on the ground as a clawed foot crashed down where my head had been. Too close!

 _"How dare thee!"_

Who talks like that, oi?!

Realizing I'd just signed my own death warrant I retreated rapidly, flailing my arms like a madman. Then anger reasserted itself, swallowing common sense-and the pain-beneath a wave of hot indignation. Gathering my legs beneath me I limped to my feet, determined to give this angry young woman a piece of my mind.

"How dare I?! How dare you!" I growled, thrusting a finger into her face! "Where do you get the idea to just knock down my door like...

My words trailed off as I finally beheld the "intruder" as it were.

...urk." I managed eloquently.

I was looking at an honest-to-goodness fusion between a young woman in her late teens and a winged lizard, all wrapped up in angry, green, armored scales and tan flesh.

Oh, and gold.

Lots of gold.

Glittering rings on each finger, a studded necklace with shining sapphires, she was the very picture of opulence.

Hardened horns adorned with gold-capped tips jutted out of dark, silken tresses, ebony locks framing a stern visage from which eyes of intense, slitted amber shone. If a face had been carved from stone, _this_ was that stone. An angular face bearing wide green frills where ears should have been. Then there were those great, leathery wings jutting from her back. Did I mention the wings? Large, great, scaly wings? And the tail. Hands crooked into claws, glittering with green scales, looking like they wanted to rend me in half.

She was tall, too.

Now I want to state for the record that I'm not a short guy by any stretch of the imagination; if anything I'm somewhat in the upwards of six feet. But she dwarfed me by a good several inches. And were those _flames_ licking behind her clenched teeth? Something told me I was about to find out if she opened her mouth again. I didn't intend to give her that chance; because my mind chose that very moment to reboot. Snatching up my sword from the cracked stone, I raised it in her direction before she could recover.

"Apologize!" I demanded, brandishing my sword at her startled face. "Right now! Or else!"

"You _dare_ raise a weapon against me, you puny human?!" she flexed her claws angrily, "I'll smite thee!"

"Bring it on, ya crazy lizard!" I roared!

"Wretched human!"

"Crazy bitch!"

"Insect!"

Everything went downhill from there.

Look, I'm a nice guy really, but I've always had a bit of a temper. Prone to let my fists do the talking-especially if someone starts hitting me and shitting all over my pride. This was not helping. This...whomever she was, acted as if I were beneath her in very way possible. Granted, I might've accidentally groped her, and I was sorry for that, but that didn't give her the right to try and crush my skull, much less talk trash against me! As a man, my ego was wounded beyond measure and I simply couldn't tolerate that.

WHAP!

In a fit of pique I acted without thinking. My wooden sword descended with a furious howl, walloping her right between the horns. Only then did my mind catch up to my body. Only then did I realize the sheer enormity of what I'd just done. Amber eyes widened. So did mine. I watched the red welt rise slowly between her dark hair, lifting my blade several inches.

Then all hell broke loose.

"Y-You insect! You dare to sully my body again?!"

 _"Ack!"_

She started forward, and I raised my sword to defend-

"Aaaaaand that's enough, you two!"

Just when I thought I was going to wind up having it out with miss crazy-pants, a suited figure interjected herself into our standoff. It took me a full three seconds to recognize that cheery face with her dark sunglasses and her snazzy suit. Not to mention the tie and _waitadamnminute!_ My head snapped around with such force that I felt something pop. Likewise, the draconic-looking girl stiffened, the fight seeming to bleed out of her as she realized we were no longer alone. Her shock was negligible compared to mine. My eyes flicked to the street, just now noticing the idling black sedan and the now-open door on the driver's side.

 _"Now_ you show up?!"

Her head bobbed once, sending the dark curtain of her hair bobbing.

"Fashionably late." she chirruped happily.

"You were waiting in the car!" I cried!

"Aw, but I wanted to see how you two would react to each other!" My aunt Smith, ladies and gentlemen. Mad as a hatter and just as irresponsible. I never did figure out her first name. "And now that, you've met dear Mei-chan, I can leave her with you in good conscience! She's a bit wild for a dragon, but please take good care of her."

"That is a dragon." I gawped.

My dear aunt nodded.

"Why did you bring a dragon." it took all that I had to keep my voice level. "They're supposed to be...well...you know!"

"Greedy? Prideful? Gluttonous?"

"All of those things!"

Mei twitched.

"Hey!"

Smith simply ignored her.

"Weeeee~eeeell I was going to find you someone else, but then we had a bit of an upset. To be honest, she wasn't entirely _nice_ to her last host family." she smiled, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Then I remembered! If anyone could handle a dragon it would be you! You like to fight, she likes to fight; you're strong, and so is she! Its the perfect match!"

"I'm not looking for a match, oi!" I growled, taking her aside. "What I want is peace! Quiet! Solitude! This is a horrible idea! If I have to be part of this exchange program, find someone else!"

"Really?" she tilted her head. "I think you'll get along just fine!"

A noise trapped somewhere between a snarl and a sigh forced its way out of my throat.

"Why did I agree to this again?"

"Because you're my darling nephew and a good person?"

"I am NOT a good guy!"

"Too bad!" she declared cheerily, overriding me with glee. "Now, here's a list of her needs." Despite my protests, she shoved a hefty sheaf of paper into my hand. "Mei's omnivorous, but she prefers meat. She also has a penchant for snatching shiny things and adding them to her "hoard" so you'll have to keep an eye out for that. She loves to fly around, too. So make sure she gets plenty of exercise! And she's not allowed to use her fire breath on people! Absolutely not! Animals are allowed, though!"

...fuck. Is there anything else?"

"Ehehehehe, oh, its nothing too important," she waved my concerns away with a half-hearted laugh, "Just that she's the only dragon in the program, which practically makes her royalty as well as something of a special exception to the rules and _youcouldbehorrificallykilledshouldsomethinghappentoher."_ that last little bit emerged _faaaaaar_ too quickly for my liking. "Nothing to worry about! I'm sure it'll all work out!"

Special exception?

Royalty?

A pit of dread opened in my stomach at the thought of this, and as it did, my gaze swept back to the sulking dragoness at our backs, watching her recline against the fence. She hadn't made a very good impression on me. Judging by the withering stare, the feeling was entirely mutual. And I had to look after her? Then the rest of Smith's words caught up to me. Killed? HORRIFICALLY?!

"WHAT?!"

"Bye bye, Arthur-kun!"

In a flash my aunt was back in the sedan and I found myself eating dust as it sped into the distance. I didn't even have time to shake my fist at her before the car vanished around the bend. Somehow she'd managed to snatch up my form and return it to me when I wasn't looking; because when I turned my gaze down, I found it stamped APPROVED in bold red letters. How had she...when had she...?!

"OI!"

Silence reigned supreme.

With a groan, my gaze swept back to the monster girl I'd inadvertently been forced to take on. Mei immediately huffed and turned up her chin at me.

"I'm hungry." she declared with imperial majesty, "Fetch me something to eat."

"Do I _look_ like a chef to you?"

Her stomach growled piteously.

"Oh, alright, alright, I'll see what I can do."

Shaking my head, I shuffled past her and into the kitchen.

 _What had I gotten myself into?_

 **A/N: And there you have it! I thought about going with canon but hey, this is fan-fiction is it not? So I decided to go with something fresh and new. Hope ya like it for** **all bloody hell is about to break loose!**

 **My OC is something of a softy at times, but he stands up for himself when it counts. He's a nice guy, just a bit gruff...**

 **So...in the immortal words of Atlas...**

 **...Would You Kindly Review the story of this humble man? And of course, enjoy the preview! Tis a funny little scene!**

 **(Preview)**

 _Mei's eyes glittered._

 _I followed her gaze and physically restrained a flinch as the dragon-girl sight settled upon the golden mirror. For a fleeting moment she wasn't a haughty princess, but an eager young girl fawning over an accessory. I didn't even have the heart to tell her it was probably a facsimile, that is, completely fake. Dragons loved all things that glittered, especially when it was gold. It seemed Mei was no exception. How a young woman was fawning over a paltry mirror was beyond me, but..._

 _"Do you want that?" I asked.  
_

 _Realizing she'd been caught staring, Mei stiffened and averted her gaze, cheeks burning._

 _"N-No! Not at all!_

 _Unbidden, her starry-eyed gaze shifted to something else._

 _I sighed._

 _"I'll regret this."_

 _Many purchases later..._

 _Well, that settled things._

 _My wallet was going to diiieee~!_

 **What will happen?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME! R &R! =D**


End file.
